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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see a car with an ""Italia"" bumper sticker on it, I always write ""Gen"" in front of it because I'm an adult."

"*mugger walks up* GIMME EVERYTHING YOU GOT! *mugger slowly walks away with $2.16 and a lifetime of anxiety & existential misunderstanding*"

"Why do witches not wear underwear? So they can get a better grip on their broom."

"Like arguing with a forest fire."

"????My lactose-free, gluten-free, wheat-free, carb-free, nut-free, fat-free milkshake, brings all the weirdos to the yard...????"

"I like to make a guy feel welcome in the morning by surrounding him with stuffed animals while he sleeps."

"Did you hear about the new tractor movie? I heard it has a good trailer."

"I can smell shit, but I can't find it."

"Still haven't forgiven my parents for not being rich."

"People who text back instantly. Keep it up, I like that sh1t."