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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna start carrying breath mints around in an engagement ring box just to briefly make women really uncomfortable during conversation."

"What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A sandyhook survivor. ...."

"A plateau is the highest form of flattery I'm sorry"

"Jennifer Lawrence has said that those who saw her nude photos should cower in shame... ...I don't know about all that, but I did shower after I came."

"Grandma: can you call out the bingo numbers? Me: idk i've never done it B4 Gma: holy shit you're a natural"

"How many reddit admins does it take to screw in a light bulb? Seriously who knows? It's pitch black in here."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bette-lou ! Bette-lou who ? Bette-lou a few pounds !"

"whoever decided how to spell camouflage is a terrible terrible person"

"When people say ""surreal"" they mean ""real"", it's just most of your life is not very real, just repetition and routine."

"Girl: Did you like that cake Mrs Jones? Mrs Jones: Yes very much. Girl: That's funny. My mom said you didn't have any taste."