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Joke of the Day

"Most women don't know where to look when they're eating a banana."

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"Commandment XI: There Shall Be No Boner Sound Other Than ""Boioioioioioing"""
"What do you call an atheist who no longer worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster? A-pasta-ate."
"I asked a genie for the ability to shoot microwaves from my hands... Clunk. These are heavy."
"Me: I want to do unspeakable things to you. Her: Tell me... Me: Do you know what unspeakable means Lydia?"
"My most redeeming quality is the fact that I return bottles for cash."
"Who do you give a lost gun to? The rifle owner."
"Neighbors across the street have their Christmas lights up, so I invited them to my Easter Egg hunt this afternoon."
"Did you hear about the little person psychic who broke out of jail? Police are looking for a small medium at large."
"Once I meet a hot chick I automatically give her money. So if she says I'm stalking her I can tell the cops she's a hooker."