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Joke of the Day

"4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet."

"my career as a Walmart greeter was cut short when the manager noticed me singing ""Welcome to the Jungle"" to every customer"

"Have you heard the one about the gay termite? He only eats mail boxes. (male boxes). Hmm. Works way better when told out loud."

"Why are cats against abortion? Because they're CATholic"

"Doctors just assume I want all my blood at a particular pressure."

"Why did the skull win 1st place in the race? Because he ran ahead."

"I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but... I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong."

"Your mother's so fat... she listens to Jimmy Buffet."

"M: Are you gonna eat that baby? Lady: What!!?! Go away you Sick-O' M: Sorry! I saw you putting it on Instagram & figured.. Never mind."

"Two ninjas are training in a field. One ninja says ""I'll bet you can't hit that that target with your throwing star."" The other ninja says ""Shur-I-ken."""