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Joke of the Day

"What did one hand say to the other? ""Help, I think I'm in glove""."

"When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, ""A very good doctor""."

"A leopard tried to sneak out of his enclosure by pretending to be a zebra. But he was spotted."

"I gave up cursing for lent The next day I went over to confession and told my priest, ""I hope I don't fuck this shit up."""

"I was at the airport when I saw a soldier returning home. The first thing he said was, ""look mom, no hands."""

"I let Jesus be my co-pilot once. Terrible decision, really. I was all, ""Drive, Jesus! Drive!"" And he was like, ""No hablo ingles, senor!"""

"Mexicans cats are attacking my home! Looks like a ""Gato raid"""

"Twitterzoned (by Kevin L. Schwartz) Is ""Twitterzoning"" a thing? ""You're okay as a Twitter friend, but let's not get all Facebook about this."" You've been Twitterzoned."

"Q: What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets? A: The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off."

"Imagine how slutty girls would dress if Halloween was in July."