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Joke of the Day

"What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff? Baa-Dum-Sss"

"I would imagine paying your bills at a library in Prague has to be easy. You know, with all of the Czech books and whatnot."

"*breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?"

"What do you call a model flying an airplane full of animals? Zoolander"

"The people you lose sleep over don't lose sleep over you. So, help out and drunk dial them at 3AM...."

"What do ISIS and Little Miss Muffett have in common? They both have curds in their whey!"

"Sometimes I like to sit at the playground & wait for a concerned Mother to ask ""Which kid is mine?"" I like to reply ""I haven't decided yet."""

"If Hillary wins the election, the whole world be like.. [removed due to WWIII]"

"A tornado is about 5 minutes away and our satellite is out. I hope our house lands somewhere where the cable works!"

"[15 years ago] Mom: Use protection. I'm too young to be a nana [Now] M: I'll pay for the Russian mail order bride. I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!!"