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Joke of the Day

"If you gave Captain Crunch a blowjob, would the roof of your mouth get all scratched up?"

"You've been warned TO WHOEVER STOLE MY BROKEN BATHROOM SCALE. YOU WON'T GET A WEIGH WITH THIS!"

"News of Whitney Houston's death traveled with such speed. When I heard I couldn't help but crack up with emotion. She was a real heroin. It's such a blow. She really made a hash of things though."

"What do monsters play when they are in the bus? Squash."

"How do you top a car? with the break tupid!"

"Did you know that in Maine they will give you five-cents for a soda can, but they won't give you ANYTHING for a baby?"

"What has 32 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper."

"[sees baby drooling] um excuse me i am a person not a piece of meat"

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth Get out of the way your in my light!"

"I need 6 to 8 vegans... ...to mow my lawn. Plenty of food here, just bring your own drinks please."