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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a train when it's eating? A Chew-Chew Train! Side note, I have cheesy jokes for days."

"My girlfriend just said she's leaving me because of my obsession with goats. Meh."

"What did the doctor give the Asari with an STD? Anti-biotics"

"The longest relationship I had was 10 days. Then she deflated."

"I bet when all the Baldwins go out to dinner, Alec makes a lot of eye contact while he reaches for the check."

"What do you call a country ruled by oppressive Vikings? Norse Korea"

"Saw Interstellar over the weekend & was totally glued to my seat. The movie was OK but the getting-glued-to-my-seat thing ruined it for me."

"Judge: Sir, need I remind you that you are under oath? Goldfish defendant: Yes."

"When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness."

"What do you call a nosy pepper? A pepper that gets jalapeno business!"