53705

Joke of the Day

"I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET."

"Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the award? He was out standing in his field."

"I told my friend I had HIV... She asked me if I was sure. I told her I was positive."

"I just learned Avicii is a singer and not Roman numerals for 1952."

"What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is level"

"*walks past German Shepherd and nods* Officer..."

"Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President"

"If you punch a hippie, and a cop arrests you... Would you get arrested for disturbing the peace?"

"The King and I always have breakfast for dinner on Christmas Eve We call it Yule Brinner."

"It took my wife six hours to push out our first child. The fat bastard can live elsewhere now."