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Joke of the Day

"My 5yo is a pretty good drawer but there's only so many t-shirts you can fit into a tiny person."

"I love being excluded from things Should have got a green card"

"Fun Prank: 1.) Buy 35 coats 2.) Goto the movie theatre 3.) Put a coat on every chair in the row 4.) Relax"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He sipped his drink before it was cool"

"What kind of shark is always drunk? A hammeredhead"

"[first date] Him: Let's take the stairs! Me: I think we should see other people."

"Why should I have to take a first aid course? Why is this on me? Why don't you take a ""how to eat sandwiches without choking"" course?"

"I have a bad feeling I'll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way."

"I just got invited to a Game of Thrones themed wedding I think those bastards are going try to kill everyone"

"Life is short. Beat it up and steal its lunch money."