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Joke of the Day

"U2 just announced a world tour. Are they going tosell tickets, or just break into my living room and start playing?"

"What is a great way to baby-proof a house? Condoms"

"For women, the worst part of a breakup is probably that incessant little voice whispering ""Do something stupid to your hair."""

"My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot."

"People who hum in public must be blissfully unaware of how close to death they are at all times"

"A man walks into a fancy dress party carrying a woman on his back... The host asks the man why this is so. ""Oh, I'm a tortoise and this is Michelle"" says the man."

"I went to see an evening of vegetables doing stand-up last night. It wasn't to my taste though - too many crudites"

"Greatest joke ever !!! My life"

"Of course bears shit in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house."

"Some call it alcoholism, I call it ""keeping my emotions hydrated"""