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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a blonde white guy with blue eyes who is an experienced soldier and who works with sick animals? A veteran Aryan."

"Why were Wrigley, Doublemint, and Orbit watching CNN? To find out the latest on gum control legislation."

"Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards? Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor"

"What is a common question at lizards' fast food joints? You want flies with that?"

"What did the blind, innocent, sweet, paraplegic 7 year old boy get for his birthday? Cancer."

"Wife:How'd you sleep? Me: Fine except I got in a gun fight and died and went to the store because I ran out of shampoo W: Ambien:*giggles"

"4 is currently using scissors to whittle down a pencil. This will be a valuable skill if she ever goes to prison and needs to make a shank."

"Didn't have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books and showered."

"Did you hear about the guy that ran into a window? He was in a lot of pane."

"What do you call a Mexican without a car? Carlos"