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Joke of the Day

"They found a hole in the wall at the University's girl's locker room. The police are looking into it."

"Kids, in my day we didn't have text messaging. We had to write a ""Do you like me: Yes or no?"" note and pass it through 17 mutual friends."

"I pulled a girl in a nightclub last night. She said ""What the fuck are you doing"" and walked back out."

"How do lesbian carpenters work? No studs. All tongue in groove."

"Mrs. Bigger liked telling everyone her newborn baby boy was a lot bigger than she was... But he was really just a little Bigger."

"[anniversary dinner] HER: tell me something that will make my heart race ME: my credit card got declined"

"What did David Crockett say when he looked over the Alamo wall and saw 3000 Mexicans? Hey I didn't know we were pouring concrete today."

"Don't fire till you see the whites of their eyes. OH MY GOD THEY'RE CHINESE!"

"Waiter there's a fly in my soup ! Yes it's the rotting meat that attracts them !"

"Why did the vulture cross the road? To eat the dead chicken on the other side."