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Joke of the Day

"I had loads of bird seed as well as loads of parrots with headaches. Trying to hold onto all the bird seed but the parrots ate 'em all"

"Kate Upton's chest beefers ain't just a carnal thing. It's about beauty. Same as starin' at the American flag, wavin' at dusk."

"""Well well well."" - Me, answering three questions: 1.) How are you? 2.) What's your favorite adverb? 3.) Where'd you hide grandma?"

"Someone once said, there's safety in numbers.... Tell that to 6million Jews.. And a four man SS-squad."

"If Jesus was a cat we'd have nine Easters."

"Hey, look over there, is that a bobble head doll of Donald Trump? No, that's Donald Trump"

"How do trees browse the internet? They log in."

"One-liners for when you're leaving - example: ""I'm going to make like a baby, and head out."" I also use ""Let's make like a chapped-ass, and split."" What are some other good ones?"

"I wish I could explain to my cat that when I sneeze it doesn't mean the world is ending."

"What goes 30 miles per hour and smells like curry? Usain Balti"