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Joke of the Day

"Why did the stool not listen to the stepladder? Because it wasn't his real dad"

"My girlfriend told me I need to spice things up in the bedroom... So I told her I would cumin her pussy. (That joke only works sometimes because it's seasonal)"

"What the plate say to the other plate? Dinners on me"

"If you jump through the hole in a hipster's earlobe you get transported to a SIMS game where the only people are Harry Potter characters"

"At an outdoorsy store a hunter asks an employee why anyone would want to buy camo longjohns The employee promptly replies, ""They'll never see you coming!"""

"Q: What did the first stoplight say to the second stoplight? A: Don't look I'm changing!!"

"I want a SPIDERMAN GO app where I have to get pictures of spiderman for a furious j jonah jameson"

"What's the difference between PHP and PCP? One makes you: * feel numb * see things that aren't there * panicked and paranoid * feel loss of control over your actions. The other is a synthetic drug."

"I saw a sign that said ""watch for children"" and I thought, ""That sounds like a fair trade."""

"Hillary demands that Trump release his tax returns Trump says - I'll email them to you."