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Joke of the Day

"What do you say when someone hands you a nice, ripe blunt in Germany? Danke"

"What is a redditors worst nightmare? [removed]"

"What does having sex in a canoe and drinking light beer have in common. Either way you're fucking close to water."

"My wife says I have a drinking problem.. I don't remember ever getting blackout drunk though."

"*lives in a crumbling democracy on a slow terrible decline* hellll yes who just got two green lights in a row"

"I wonder how long it takes a giraffe to throw up?"

"How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn? They kick a Can"

"I went to a fancy restaurant last night and a man was complaining about his escargot. The waiter just shrugged it off. ""I'm sorry sir,"" the waiter told him. ""All snails are final."""

"BREAKING: Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field. The steaks have never been higher."

"I nearly bought a car today but had a lucky escape when I checked the fine print I discovered it had driver aids ..!"