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Joke of the Day

"Can I have a broken drum for Christmas? The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat it!"

"I would tell you a leech joke. . . But it would suck anyway"

"What's the best kind of alcohol for your liver? Nonanol."

"I don't use my hands when I change my tampon. I just sing a jaunty tune and the Disney birds come in and begrudgingly do it for me."

"A Banana and a Vibrator are sitting on a bedside table the banana says ""I dont know why YOU'RE shaking, she's gonna fucking eat ME"""

"What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day; anal sex makes your hole weak."

"Let's stop listing pagers on that list of electronic devices that should be turned off."

"Whenever I hear about a kid getting in trouble with drugs, I like to tell him this story."

"Cop: Know why I pulled you over? I'm in a High Occupancy lane Cop: Yes...wait IS THAT A JOINT? Yeah I'm HIGH lol Cop: My bad, free to go"

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on an airplane. The airplane crashes. Who survives? America."