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Joke of the Day

"""Usain Bolt, Trump regrets/ Gawker downed by Hogan's sex/ Manafort, Putin's pet/ Lochte lies then hops on jet/ We didn't start the fire..."""

"What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin."

"What did the lesbian-vampire say to her girlfriend? See ya next month."

"What do you have if you don't have a Kia? A Nokia."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather Not yelling and screaming, like the passengers in his car."

"What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? NYC subway commuters."

"DEFENSE! DEFENSE! Defense: I have a boyfriend"

"FUN PRANK: Replace signs for Red Cross Blood Drive line with ""iPhone 6 in Stock"" and watch the shenanigans ensue."

"I'll pay extra for the hairdresser comfortable with silence."

"Why don't witches wear underpants? To get a better grip on the broom"