52406

Joke of the Day

"Dem puns... Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine beans in Irish Bean Soup? Because if there be one moar, it'd be too farty!"

"""Thanks for turning me into an expression of contempt. Sorry about making delicious nourishment so damned accessible."" -Low-hanging fruit"

"Soon as I finish untangling these earphones I'm goin to google who made them & I'm going to ask them to invent shoelaces that tie themselves"

"TIL Pigeons die when they have sex At least the one I fucked did"

"As a person with alzheimers, all my punchlines are..."

"How many Einsteins does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Relatively few"

"6-year-old: *finds a picture she drew* Why was this in the trash? Me: 6: Me: It was too good. I didn't want to make your sisters jealous."

"The photo technician got caught masterbating to people's photos They charged him with ""indecent exposure"""

"You make every other name that comes up on my phone a disappointment."

"Selfies? In my day we stared in a mirror and then felt ashamed."