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Joke of the Day

"A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast."

"This homeless guy asked me for money, I was like ""I don't think so, not with that ugly voice"""

"Girl: How long is your dick? Me: I'm not sure I only have 1 ruler"

"German sausages... are the WURST!"

"How did the pastry chef do on the donut-making exam? She passed with frying crullers."

"Your momas so fat... You just lost the game inb4 downvotes and madfags"

"On a scale of 1 to Charlie Sheen, I'm at Mel Gibson drunk right now."

"What do you get when you cross an agnostic, dyslexic, and an insomniac? Some one who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog."

"I've been studying the Cold War and nuclear weapons for history class non-stop... ...it's driving me MAD."

"Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white? Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove"