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Joke of the Day

"[making out] ME: *grabs a blindfold from the nightstand* GIRLFRIEND: omg really? ME: *blindfolding the dog at the end of the bed* really."

"WHY DID HITLER COMMIT SUICIDE? Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he saw his gas bill."

"What do you call a cross between a hippo, an elephant and a rhino? Hell if I know"

"How many plates do you need to draw a picture? Tenplates"

"Getting sick of seeing dogs that are not falling in love or at least sharing spaghetti."

"I've got writer's bl I've got writer'ssssss somethinnnn somethin Writer's blah blah blah blah I'm going to get coffee."

"Hey UK! You're looking great! Have you lost a few pounds?"

"I'm the guy in the meeting giving coworkers the throat slash motion when the boss says ""Anybody have anything else 2 add before we adjourn?"""

"How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house. Edit: Thanks for all the awesome comments. I can't keep up!"

"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."