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Joke of the Day

"I hate when my iPod earbud cord gets hung on an object and it violently rips the earbud out and I get that murder-y feeling."

"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? Cats have claws at the end of their paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause."

"Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag."

"What do cops and mushrooms have in common? You feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark."

"Why are elephants gray? So you don't get them confused with blueberries."

"Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected."

"Red. My least favorite urine color."

"I bought a fancy new clock radio today. It cost me alarm and a leg."

"Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher."

"I can't believe how different life was before *googles* Al Gore invented the Internet"