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Joke of the Day

"I bet the guy who invented falling asleep was totally like ""Oh no! I died! Hey, wait a minute..."""

"Remember ladies: when a guy says ""I'm listening"" what he means is ""I bet if Godzilla had machine guns for arms he'd of been unstoppable""."

"Millennial Moses: Just, let my people go or whatev- hang on I'm getting a text."

"What did Sam say to the young Americans? ""Guess where this finger's going."""

"People say I never explain myself enough..."

"What's the difference between a republican and a democrat? How much damage can their Weiner make..."

"When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute."

"I just saw a lit up 'Noel' x-mas decoration on top of a house and noticed the 'L' was missing, so I thought to myself, 'look, there's no L.'"

"What do you call an instrument that gets a president impeached? Harmonica Lewinsky."

"What's your favorite rape joke? Here's mine: ______________________________"