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Joke of the Day

"If you don't hate yourself by the time you log off, you're not using the internet correctly."

"""It's a bird! It's a plane!"" - my 3 year old niece, excited as hell over some basic shit."

"Ebola has been in the US for 1 day and people are already wearing masks. AIDS has been here for 55 years and fools still don't use a condom"

"What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs"

"todd: *sobbing uncontrollably* me: relax it was just a little earthquake todd's wife: he's an etch-sketch artist. it was everything he had"

"I'm taking a course in self defense. I can't afford a trial lawyer."

"OLD SPICE: BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SMELL LIKE VICTORIA BECKHAM"

"5-year-old: Why is there a baseball bat under your bed? Me: In case there's a burglar. 5: Me: 5: Why do burglars like to play baseball?"

"If you need motivation to workout this evening, Justin Bieber changed his Instagram name to Bizzle. Now go ahead, get out that aggression."

"So Porifera are hanging out in the ocean 680 million years ago.. ..when a Ctenophore swims by. One to the other asks, ""What just happened there?"" Buddy says ""Eumetazoa."""