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Joke of the Day

"Me: let's go vegetarian Husband: can we still eat eggs M: of course H: fish? M: obviously H: bacon on special occas- M: we'd be crazy not to"

"Why did Microsoft go straight from Windows 8 to Windows 10? BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE *drops mic*"

"Q: How do you sink an Irish submarine? A: Knock on the hatch."

"""You never tell me you love me,"" said my girlfriend. I said, ""That's because you never ask."" She said, ""Do you want me to?"" ""Go for it,"" I replied. She said, ""Do you love me?"" I said, ""No."""

"I asked my dad if I could go to a 50 cent concert... ... He tossed me a dollar and said ""take your brother"""

"I saw a pirate finally purchase Adobe Photoshop. He handed the cashier a hook and a peg."

"What are the three rings of marriage? The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and then the suffering"

"Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter time? Cuz they'll get chapped lips. Brr."

"I eat a lot of swordfish. I like to be ready in case there's a food fight."

"Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?"