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Joke of the Day

"Me: let's go vegetarian Husband: can we still eat eggs M: of course H: fish? M: obviously H: bacon on special occas- M: we'd be crazy not to"

"I wish my girlfriend was like my internet My internet goes down once a week for at least two hours"

"I don't need a drink in my hand to be happy. I'm also happy if the drink is on a table as long as it's still within arm's reach."

"Submit a joke. how do i submit Donald Trump?"

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Without a penis"

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon. Ones fun to smash with a mallet and the other ones a dead baby."

"Boycott shampoo demand real poo instead"

"What is Homer Simpsons favorite bread? Sour-Doh!"

"Her: 911, what's your emerge- Me: SOMEONE'S WEARING CROCS! Her: Sir, that's not an em- Me: WITH A FANNY PACK! Her: I'll send an officer."

"I was with my friends when.. One of them asked the other if he was a virgin. He replied ""No, I came out mom's vagina."" I honestly don't know how to feel about this."