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Joke of the Day

"Husband: You're like homework Wife: Why? Are you gonna throw me on the table and do me all day? Husband: No, leave you alone and masturbate."

"BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia... Hold on, lets rephrase that: ""Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"""

"Honey, let's make this cactUS a cacti. What I'm saying is I want a divorce, and I'm taking the cactus with me."

"Where do Old Egyptian people go to Swim? The Senile River"

"Taught a parrot to repeatedly say ""WHERE ARE YOUR GLOVES?"" and now I don't have to talk to my kids until Spring so that's pretty cool."

"What where Adam's first words to Eve? ""Don't wash it in there, you'll make the fish smell like that!"""

"The shovel was a ground-breaking invention."

"What's the spaciest kind of camel? Andromedary"

"Where do hipsters drown? the mainstream."

"Why is it called a funny bone? Because its humerus!"