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Joke of the Day

"wife: dont do anything stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?"

"What did the chicken say to the farmer Nothing, chickens don't speak English."

"I like to think that hobos that talk to themselves are just recording a podcast."

"Buddy 1:Hey ever heard of the movie constipation? Buddy 2:No i have not. Buddy 1: that's because it hasn't come out yet."

"A married man and his friend are talking. Friend: how's your daughter? Man: we haven't had one yet. Friend: after last night, you will in 9 months."

"What's a Muslims favourite place to eat? Allahu Snackbar"

"Why did the rope not get any presents? Because he was knotty."

"Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar."

"Battleship is a completely unrealistic movie... Everyone knows that Rihanna doesn't fight back."

"Why didn't Jeffrey Dahmer eat vegetables? He didn't like getting rid of all the wheelchairs"