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Joke of the Day

"wife: dont do anything stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?"

"Why did the blind kid fail geometry? He didnt see the point."

"Hey, Edgar Allen, go ahead and Poe me up another drink! Don't tell me to be quiet, lady! Why are there so many books in this bar?"

"I have a joke. Me."

"I would never expect to get a penny from a dollar machine. It just doesn't make cents."

"replace the chair in the Oval Office w/slightly bigger chair every day for next 4 yrs til trump looks tiny + his feet don't touch the ground"

"electricity is from electrons... morality from morons?"

"I was arrested for killing a black man I'm a black man EDIT: I'm a half black man"

"I have two requirements in my will.... 1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World 2) I do not want to be cremated."

"If you don't order beef for dinner... That's a missed steak."