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Joke of the Day

"Ok, Surgeon General, alcohol is bad for pregnant women. The warning label might be more effective stating alcohol causes pregnant women."

"GOD: look what I created [points to clouds] ANGEL: what am I lookin at? GOD: Is it a bunny? A man face? It's up to you! ANGEL: are you high?"

"The correct response to ""How was your weekend?"" is ""Fine."" If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a shit."

"How about a Home Alone movie where Macaulay Culkin is the dad and he leaves his kids at home because that's all he knows?"

"Why couldn't the man marry the melon? It was a cantaloupe."

"Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size? Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down."

"Christmas these days is a lot like having sex The build up is great but when it finally comes, I regret spending all that money."

"When my wife tells me to jump I have only one question... Why aren't you in the kitchen?"

"I was going to make a joke about that bus that rolled over and killed the driver and 9 passengers... But there's no pun in ten dead."

"The light above my desk is going out. I feel like I've been at a really boring rave for the last 7 hours."