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Joke of the Day

"[crime scene] photographer: I'm done unless you want another angle or something. detective: let's do a jumping one!"

"Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!"

"I can't wait to find out what new undeleteable apps that I don't want will be on the new iPhone."

"What's worse than having your car impounded by the police? Impounding your mother"

"[funeral] ME: I never know what to say at these things. WIDOW: sorry for your loss. ME: it's ok, I'm sure I'll think of something."

"Civil War reenactments are a lot like meetings. You do the same thing over and over again while waiting for your turn to die."

"I invented a new word today... Plagiarism."

"Thought of a '2 guys walk into a bar' joke A gay guy and Sam Adams walk into a bar. The gay guy drank some Sam Adams. But only Sam Adams had alcohol that night."

"I like my women the way i like my luxury cars Blacked out"

"Hey, teenage girls, don't get pregnant. Unless you want your own TV show."