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Joke of the Day

"None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It's because fish can't survive in my secret reservoir of vodka."

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff ba dum tsssshhh"

"What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting? Octopied"

"*walks into the hottest restaurant w/out a reservation* We're fully booked ""Ahem, I'm Yelp reviewer TURDBONER69"" Sorry sir right this way"

"Why repent? I pented just last week."

"Eating a block of cheese is probably the most delicious way to figure out it's time to get some groceries."

"What does supervillain Black Man need to do to escape the crime scene? Turn off all the lights."

"I became a vegetarian 4 months ago.. .. I guess you can say that I quit cold turkey"

"What do you call a scent that wanders? An a-roam-a."

"Losing my virginity was alot like performing a heart transplant operation. Someone had to die for it to happen."