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Joke of the Day

"Just when you think parenting can't be any weirder, you find yourself consoling your son, upset that he can't get a squirrel to hug him."

"Girl, are you a jar in my parents' fridge? Because I have absolutely no way of knowing how old you are."

"Nature is full of strange creatures: carnivororous plants, birds that can't fly, white people with dreadlocks"

"If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?"

"What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim? Bob. Same guy laying on the floor? Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall? Art. Same guy in a mailbox? Bill."

"Sorry about the concussion Steve but it wouldn't be called a ""trust fall"" if it worked every time."

"[x-post from r/dyslexia] Today I misread 63 as 68 so it took me twice as long to get home with the public transport Whoops, wrong bus"

"As a kid i looked up to Bill Nye the science guy, but as of today after learning about him i will probably look down on him. And people at my level would agree. I'm 6'3 and he is 6 feet tall."

"How do you circumsise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin."

"My company moved offices and wanted to transfer my job to northern Canada But I was having nunavut."