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Joke of the Day

"Two cows are standing in a field ...and one says to the other, ""Say, are you worried about this mad cow disease going around?"" And the other one says, ""Why should I care? I'm a helicopter! PFFFFFT!"""

"I asked the lady from the collection agency out on a date. She turned me down, but keeps calling. I told her I'm too old for games."

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An afronaut."

"Me: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ryan Gosling? Him: Me? No, but thank- Me: Ok just making sure."

"What did Blizzard do on Warcraft's opening night? Farm gold in China."

"Boy, are you a yellow sports car because I am embarrassed to be seen with you but I am very pleased with your performance."

"What did the glue taste tester say? Mmmmm."

"""Cellphones only work when you talk into them like you're trying to be heard over a buzzsaw screwing a freight train."" - My Dad"

"The more Twitter tells me it's over Capacity, the more I think Twitter still loves Capacity and regularly sits outside her house, weeping."

"*sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers"