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Joke of the Day

"I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. ""Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?"" ""Yes"""

"If you want to use excessive force and get away with it too. Just join your local police force."

"Whole Foods on Sunday is just a refugee camp for people with too much money."

"Audltery We used to brand women with the Scarlet Letter (A)...now we celebrate Ashley Madison"

"Entropy.... Enjoy it while it lasts!"

"What's the difference between mlk day and st. Patrick's day? Everyone WANTS to be irish on st Patrick's day."

"I just got a girl pregnant, now ill finally have a little brother."

"Why don't Hollywood talent agents drink chocolate milk? Because it's not about who you know, but no Yoo-hoo."

"""Oh. My. God."" - the first duck to eat bread."

"I don't really care for the New England Patriots, but Lance Armstrong used a deflated ball for years and no one said anything."