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Joke of the Day

"What is the longest sentence that a man can make? I do."

"As the officer approached my car I took a big pull of helium from the balloon and started crying"

"The Dirtiest Dad Joke Every time my dad drives by a Little Caesars Pizza he says ""5 dollars hot and ready....I used to know a girl like that"" he says it EVERY TIME and thinks he's hillarious"

"Officer there's nothing in my trun.. [hundreds of dead tamagotchis fall out. The younger cop vomits]"

"Two in one **Dude**: My IQ is absolutely massive! **Guy**: IQ is a representation of your matriarchal heritage? **Dude**: Clever.. maybe my IQ that big after all **Guy**: Ah, *patriarchal* heritage!"

"What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-two year olds? There are twenty of them."

"What do you get when you cross a brown cow with a brown chicken? ""--brown-chicken-brown-cow--"" (said like: 'bowm-chicka-bowm-wawm')"

"Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin...no matter how epic it is"

"Whats the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana? Nothing, their last big hit was the wall."

"Received a call from a recruitment consultant. She said to me: ""Sir I have two openings for you...!"" I replied : Yes. I know There was a long silence and then she said..... bastard"