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Joke of the Day

"Women only call me ugly until they see how much money I make... Then they don't call me at all"

"Did you here about that concert where the frontman flung his crap into the crowd? The shit reeeeeeally hit the fan"

"I will give Canada this. Their geese are hard to keep in a headlock."

"A woman lost her wedding ring in Paris last night. I'm not talking about the one who deserved it."

"By the time you finish reading this tweet, you will be slightly closer to death than you were before. I hope it was worth it."

"I got sacked from the dodgems. I'm going to take them to court and win the case based on funfair dismissal."

"What is the gayest food? Indian food. It tears your ass apart :("

"Schrodingers cat walks into a bar with no windows alone eventually he walks out drunk and sober."

"Einstein came up with a theory about space... and it was about time too!"

"I'm ""yells at people who drive too fast in my neighborhood"" years old"