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Joke of the Day

"I always hated church because of all the standing, kneeling and sitting... I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me."

"The stock market is astrology for people who think they're too good for astrology."

"Pretty ugly Sometimes you're pretty, sometimes you're ugly but most of the time you're pretty ugly."

"They say 1 in 5 people now live next door to a child molester. Can you believe that?? We'll not me, I live next to 2 smokin' hot 12 year olds!"

"Coffee rules everything around me. C.R.E.A.M. Get the sugar. Java java beans, y'all."

"A significant proportion of public restroom users are assholes. The rest are all either dicks or cunts."

"In honor of the Olympics I suggest we start a synchronized drinking team..... Whose in?"

"I just figured about why dogs are so bad at math Because when we answer a question we have to pause, but when they answer a question they have four paws."

"What do you call it when two robots have sex? Automating."

"How do you know if a joke has been posted on reddit before? Oh, they'll tell you."