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Joke of the Day

"The perfect woman is 3 feet 4 inches tall with a square head ... So you can rest a can of beer on her head while she blows you."

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"You have a smile that could light up a whole psych ward. <3"
"Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth...and drink all the vodka inside. It seems to help"
"Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Mrs. Pac-Man, for 25c she swallowed balls until she died"
"What did Dracula say at the Christmas party ? Fancy a bite ?"
"Where do boats go when they're sick? The Doc"
"Woman of my dreams My wife asked this morning, ""How come you don't wake up with an erection?"" I replied, ""Because you're the woman of my dreams."""
"Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails it'd be very difficult to aim."
"Q: What did the parent say when the little girl was whining? A: Leave it to peave her."
"There's a fine line... Between a numerator and a denominator."
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