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Joke of the Day

"[first date] ME: one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think the world revolves around them MY DATE, WHO IS THE SUN: i see"

"What did the tailor say to the fed up customer? Suit yourself."

"I was going to make a joke... But I fainted"

"Why did the cab driver did not get time for his family? Because he was Uber busy."

"Space Cat: *furious as he knocks items off of a shelf and they just float in place, mocking him*"

"Say what you want about skiing... ..but the sports going downhill, Fast!"

"My hobbies include 1. Refreshing the same fucking apps over and over 2. Winning arguments in my head that are already over 3. Starring into the fridge because I'm bored ..."

"Koala joke Where do koalas go to school?"

"My calendar says there's a new moon tomorrow. The old one was there for 4.5 billion years; you'd think people would be more excited."

"I made the Earth move for the last girl I had sex with. And then I moved it back to the hole I had buried her in."