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Joke of the Day

"Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech? It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine."

"Expecting an idiot to admit they're wrong feels a lot like trying to put socks on an octopus."

"IF U WANNA BE MY LOVER you gotta get me a large three topping pizza with stuffed crust"

"God is a sock He saves your sole"

"""Do not purchase if seal is broke"" *looks over at homeless seal* *places canned pickles back on the shelf*"

"The man at the grocery store name is Bobby Chubsucker. He was either very popular or made fun of a lot in school."

"A man shot himself in the head at an NRA sponsored NASCAR event... while the GOP shot themselves in the foot on the NRA sponsored gun bill. (Jokes for the week of 4/13-4/19 @fridayupdate on twitter.)"

"[inventing humans] god: ""they should have complete control of their tongue"" angel: ""um ok"" god: ""let me finish.. except when using scissors"""

"What belongs in the bank and doesn't exist? My tax refund."

"Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol."