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Joke of the Day

"im straight edge i only drink beer and smoke meth"

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"What do you call Jay-Z having a leg transplant? A hip-hop hip op."
"You know the Yahoo hack is not that bad... at least someone knows my password to my Yahoo account."
"What was the other reindeer's name? Olive. EDIT: Please don't explain and let those suffer who don't understand"
"Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell."
"[Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist] ""He was literally kermit the frog"""
"What's blue and doesn't fit anymore? A dead epileptic."
"did you hear about the flaccid, chinese penis that ran for presidency? He didn't stand a chance in the erection."
"I hate insects puns, they really bug me."
"On Monday nights, I give my plants the pleasure of a striptease show by watering them with ice cubes."