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Joke of the Day

"How much wood does a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck chuck could chuck wood? None because only beavers give a dam."

"I'm an adrenaline junkie and an agoraphobic. I talked to the mailman through the door once, that was a rush delivered. Edit: delivered."

"My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes yesterday. She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra."

"What do you call a hypochondriac dinosaur? Tri-serepax."

"I've found that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... Until you try to flatter someone in a wheelchair."

"Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The Wheelchair"

"After weeks of being called lazy, not only did I put up all our Christmas decorations today, I also took them down."

"""Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"" ""4 years sober..."""

"My wife hired a fact checker for when we argue."

"Would you like to buy a second-hand computer? I'm afraid not. I'm only able to type with one hand as it is."