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Joke of the Day

"Me: Goodnight moon Moon: night. Me: What? Moon: nothing. It's fine. Me: You're acting distant Moon: I'm 238,900 miles away"

"I entered a contest for short people, and lost. I guess I was overlooked."

"Can you believe that after all the shit they've been through, they're still together? My Buttcheeks ((_"

"His last words were, ""I'm just going to tell her to calm down, and remind her that she still hasn't made dinner."""

"Santa: What do you want for Christmas? Me: a dragon! Santa: noo, be realistic Me: a girlfriend Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend?"

"How do you guarantee that your wishes always come true? Wish for something that is already true."

"Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold."

"How many Millennials does it take... to screw in a lightbulb? None. Their parents will do it for them."

"coworker: those are some crazy socks me: well I guess th- socks: THE GOVERNMENT RECORDS ALL OF OUR PHONE CALLS & IS HIDING UFO EVIDENCE"

"What do male Jews say when they see an attractive female? Challah at your boy"