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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? ...I can't jelly my dick up your ass (courtesy of my younger brother, lol)"

"Life is that reality show character wearing a leopard print caftan saying ""Yer either gonna love me or hate me, I just tell it like it is"""

"Shout out to whoever invented Braille! Maybe nobody remembers your name but you came up with a pretty dope way for blind people to read"

"Pharmacists should stuff every third prescription bottle with one of those snakes that pops out at you... cuz laughter is the best medicine."

"My mind's telling me ""No!"" But my body, my body's telling me ""There's that chicken salad in the fridge."""

"Hey, Christianity- what's all the fuss about a virgin anyway? I could be a virgin if I wanted to. But I don't. Because sex. Also? More sex."

"Breaking news: The Irish have come up with a new use for sheep. Wool."

"I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot."

"A man across the store just waved & said ""Well aren't YOU a cutie pie?"" Can't believe he was flirting with me in front of my baby like that."

"My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don't want myself to know about."