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Joke of the Day

"I didn't think my doctor could fix my bowed legs. I stand corrected."

"The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don't wanna die"

"What's the difference between a hoedown and a hootenanny? One's when your prostitute falls on the floor, and the other is when your babbysitter is making owl sounds."

"I think my lab partner and I are finally hitting it off because I feel a lot of chemistry between us."

"How many engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to talk about how complicated it was."

"I flipped off a latino guy who cut me off in traffic and now I'm polling at 8% in the Republican primary."

"There's no sex like the we haven't had it for awhile' kind of sex."

"I used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money. I think I should have chosen my words more carefully :("

"barber 1: ugh this guy again, youre doing him this time [20mins later] barber 2: you coulda told me he turns around to answer every question"

"Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper? Because it was ripped."