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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor just walked by carrying some pots for planting & I said ""Looks like you won the pottery lottery!"" Now everyone is mad at me."

"Did you hear about the constipated math professor? He worked his problem out with a pencil."

"Fireman: Is anyone else inside the house? Me: Uh yes..my son is trapped in my room he- [fireman charges into blaze] ..HE LOOKS LIKE AN XBOX"

"What medicine do men take when their privates start hurting? Penis-illin'"

"My mind: ""Today was a productive day."" My body: ""Please don't drink 11 cups of coffee again.""..."

"What do you call a Russian Lizard? Commie commie commie commie chameleon."

"Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong sock."

"Why is it that sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So they don't get mistaken for feminists."

"I installed a pedometer app on my phone But whichever direction I walk, I seem to be moving away from the kids."

"I'm thinking about opening one of those ""pray away the gay"" clinics just so I can name it ""God Save the Queen."""