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Joke of the Day

"When is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? When the big hand touches the little hand."

"Live today like it's your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't."

"I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car"

"Im half scotch. And i dont mean scottish."

"I do really well on Jeopardy. I get all the answers, every one of them, almost instantly. I do, however, have a lot of trouble coming up with the questions."

"A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts ""your money or your life!"" The student keeps walking, and says ""Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either""."

"So a blind man walks into a bar... And a table And a chair."

"I basically have 3 hairstyles... Straight. Wavy. Homeless."

"RIP Paris Terror Attack Victims Never baguette"

"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza can have ham and cheese together."