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Joke of the Day

"COP: do you know why I pulled you over? ME: *furiously trying to swallow a mouthful of mattress tag stickers* no"

"I was dating a girl with a lazy eye. Unfortunately I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else on the side."

"The freebie-jeebies That feeling you get when someone creepy buys you a drink without asking."

"I'm Indian but not ""able to read sanskrit"" Indian so slow down there Raj, aside from the heart eye emojis I have no idea wtf your DM means."

"Have you ever smelled moth balls? Reply: Yes How did you manage to get between their tiny legs?"

"A book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame."

"If the Narwhal bacons at midnight, what does it do at noon? It bakes off."

"Why did Uhuru get mad? Because William Shatner."

"I am born to mixed-race parents ...but my mom preferred the 100 metres."

"What's the difference between Ant and Dec and lesbian sex? Nothing. They're both just a couple of cunts bouncing off each other."