106611

Joke of the Day

"If there is earth on planet Earth, why aren't there Jews on Jupiter? Because it's a gas planet."

"Paul McCartney wrote 'Yesterday' But he also wrote 'Obla-de-obla-da' and 'Ebony and Ivory' So, don't worry if some of your tweets are shit"

"[10 PM] If I go to bed now, I'll get a full 8 hours of sleep [3AM] Siri what is a grape nut"

"My 5 yo after I explained the concept of breastfeeding: ""can you squeeze Capri Suns outta those things or just milk?"""

"I've got a new job crushing fizzy drinks cans... It's soda pressing [Imgur](http://i.imgur.com/6lWz2UD.jpg)"

"Two fish are in a tank. . . One turns to the other and asks **""How do you drive this thing?""**"

"What's a cow's favourite love song? When I fall in love it will be for heifer."

"Are you from Russia? Cause I'm Putin deez nuts on yo face."

"I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies. He was dead Sirius."

"You guys talk about sex like it's so great. I had sex once and she made me take off my jean jacket. Just not worth it."