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Joke of the Day

"If I had a time machine, I'd just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more."

"I'll have you know my grandfather was killed by a Nazi. He committed suicide"

"Don't read ""part a"" backwards. It's a trap."

"Someone accused my dad of stealing from his job in the roads department... ...I thought it was nothing to worry about but when I got home the signs were everywhere."

"What's the difference between a steampunk bike and a regular bike? On a steampunk bike the gears don't do anything."

"Just had a 9 minute argument with The Boy over why he needs to change his underwear this morning. Don't forget your birth control, friends."

"Overheard this locker room convo: ""The new school janitor is weird. He's always hiding in here when we're showering"". I took my mop and left"

"How do you tell a hypocrite from a normal person? The hypocrite's the one that exists."

"What is the worst part of a prostitute and the best part of a pie? The crust."

"One day the youngest son asks his mother, ""Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?"".... The mother says ""Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark""."