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Joke of the Day

"If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!"

"You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart."

"The Constitution has barely been altered in 200 years, but my $300 textbook is worth $0.82 bc they came out with a new edition mid-semester."

"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of it's paws, a comma is a pause at the end of a clause."

"What do you call suicide committed while shitting? Seppooku."

"Why did the chicken run around screaming? Because he had to use the bathroom."

"How do you blow up an Indian ? Press the red button on their forehead."

"I'm ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there."

"I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey... But I turned myself around"

"If chick-fil-a ever merged with five guys, what would they could call themselves? five-guys-fil-a-chick"